The 5-Point Power Check: Spotting and Balancing Power in Any Relationship

Nidhi Chawla
6 days ago
4 min read

Have you ever been in a relationship that had intense power struggles, control issues and conflicts? Power dynamics in relationships can show up in different ways: who makes the decisions, who bears the responsibility, who feels safe, and who can step away if needed. These relationships can leave us feeling drained, frustrated and unheard - whether it is a relationship with a romantic partner, spouse, friend, business partner or even with your employer. Understanding the patterns help you recognize imbalance and take steps to restore fairness, building healthier and more sustainable relationships.

The 5 Core Themes of Power — With Stories

Decision Rights

Who gets input? Who gets the final say? Who consistently adapts? Is it fair, predictable and role-based?

Usually the first sign to show up in an imbalanced relationship, this often signals whose needs matter. One person often overrides decisions and have the others working for their goals and interests. Authority shifts when it gets inconvenient for them. Decisions are hence frequently changed without discussions or getting opinions from others. "I don't like conflict", often becomes a justification for unilateral decisions.

You love planning family trips, but your partner always dismisses your ideas. You are asked for opinions but they are never acted on. Over time you stop giving opinions because it did not matter.

You are a team lead at work and notice your suggestions are routinely overruled by your manager without explanation. On paper the role came with decision-making authority, but rarely followed.

You combined your finances with your partner and over time you were not consulted when decisions like big purchases, moving large amount of money or funding savings were made by your partner.

The best way to balance this situation is by clarifying roles, involving both parties in decisions, and rotating influence where possible. Sharing control reduces conflict, builds engagement and eliminates silent resentment.

Safety / Abuse

Can I speak honestly without fear or retaliation? What happens when I say "No"?

In balanced relationships people can speak, disagree and set boundaries without fear. In imbalanced relationships this is replaced by risk. Safety isn't about comfort or agreement, it is about not being harmed - emotionally, psychologically, physically or financially.

You avoid telling your partner what bothers you because it always results in a fight, silent treatment or conversations ending abruptly.

You are no more invited in important meetings at work because you offered thoughtful feedback in the past which is not appreciated anymore.

Whenever you tried setting a boundary, your friend looked wounded causing you to apologize even when you had not done anything wrong.

When safety or abuse show up, the goal is to protect yourself and reduce harm. Set clear boundaries, address manipulative behavior, and create safe channels for communication. Safety is fundamental for healthy relationships.

Workload / Effort

Who bears the extra effort to keep the relationship functioning?

In balanced relationships, effort flexes. Sometimes one person carries more, sometimes the other, but over time, it evens out. In imbalanced relationships, effort becomes directional, it flows consistently one way.

You plan almost every household task in your relationship while your partner rarely contributes. You always feel drained and unappreciated.

At work, you managed the majority of a joint client project while your colleague only contributed at the final presentation, creating tension and burnout.

You always text first, always organize gatherings, always remember birthdays and if you didn't, nothing happened.

Tracking contributions, sharing responsibilities explicitly, and recognizing effort will help resolve effort mismatches. Balanced effort ensures fairness and reduces resentment. Fair effort doesn't require perfection, all it needs is awareness, communication and shared responsibility.

Dependence / Leverage

Does one person hold power that the other relies on? Do I have the resources to make independent choices?

Dependence exists when someone needs another person to meet essential or valued needs like money, housing, career advancement, emotional support, or social connection. Leverage exists when the person providing those needs can influence, control, or shape choices because the other person depends on them.

You want to end a friendship but fear losing their social circle, leaving you trapped.

You hesitate to leave a toxic contract because the client threatened poor references, putting your career at risk.

The best way to handle this is by reducing one-sided dependence, fostering autonomy, and preventing leverage from being used as control.

Exit Power / Threats

Can each person step away safely, and is the other using leaving as leverage?

In any relationship, one person can gain power simply by having the option to leave safely while the other cannot. When this power is wielded, overtly or subtly, it’s often framed as:

Threats (“If you do X, I might leave”)
Silent leverage (“I’ll see how things go…”)
Implicit control (“You know what happens if I walk away”)

Even when unspoken, the fear of exit influences behavior.

Every time you raise a concern, your partner says, "I don't know if this relationship is for me,"

You are not given a raise at work because your request of quitting a project was not appreciated.

Your partner brings up "the other options they have" every time you have a conflict.

Safe exit is crucial, Freedom to leave without retaliation or harm indicates a healthier relationship. Conversely, threats around exit are a red flag signaling misuse of power.

The 30-Second Gut Check

Use this simple mental checklist to evaluate any relationship:

“Do I have a voice, feel safe from manipulation, share the effort fairly, avoid being trapped by dependence, and could I walk away safely without threats or retaliation?”

Yes to all: Relationship is likely balanced
No to 1–2: Mild imbalance, worth monitoring and adjusting
No to 3 or more: Relationship may be controlling or imbalanced

Final Thoughts

Balanced relationships — personal, professional, or friendly are mutually empowering. Both parties feel heard, safe, and free to step away if needed.

By understanding who holds power, who bears effort, and who can leave safely, you can transform strained dynamics into fair, resilient, and respectful relationships.