Label your feelings without judgements

[Original post on 22nd May 2024, last updated on 8th Jun 2025]

“How do you feel about it?” she asked me and I took a long pause. I gave her an answer and then she asked again “but, how does that make you feel?”

 Something was wrong, and I found myself struggling with an unsettling truth: why could I not talk about my feelings? I had been struggling with difficult emotions those past few days then why was I still not able to answer that question? It’s a frustrating experience, isn’t it? Before I dive deeper into this, let me ask you: have you recently encountered any videos on social media where a 5-year-old effortlessly articulates their feelings, expressing emotions with a clarity that often eludes adults? It’s both heartwarming and a little disheartening, isn't it? Like many of you, I never learned the essential skills of labeling my feelings, regulating the emotions tied to them, and sharing them effectively. We live in a world where emotional expression can feel daunting, and it’s important to acknowledge that struggle. It’s okay to feel overwhelmed and unsure. You're not alone in this journey of understanding and communicating your emotions.

But why is it even important to identify and label your emotions, one may ask. When we don't know what we're feeling, we tend to respond in an impulsive or reactive way, especially when our feelings are big and nebulous. Think of a time when you visited a doctor; if you were unable to identify the symptoms of what was going on in your body, then how would you find a cure for it? Similarly, it's important to identify your feelings to be able to work through them. When we express our emotions through writing or speech, we tend to slow things down, and that helps us to work through them. Hence, I spent the next few weeks building self-awareness by doing a daily check-in with myself on how I was feeling and journaling it (if you need a guide on journaling then I have one written here).

One of the biggest mistakes we make is to confuse our thoughts with emotions. An example is "I feel my neighbor is against everything I do"; this is a thought. The "I feel" statement should be followed by emotions, so instead try saying, "I feel frustrated when my neighbor is against my fence project."

In my daily routine, I used a version of the feelings wheel for this exercise. If you’ve never used a feelings wheel, it is a simple colored wheel that organizes different dimensions of emotions into several categories. At the center of the wheel are the basic core emotions like happy, sad etc. The secondary and third circle of the wheel are the more nuanced and specific feelings.

In my journey of self-reflection, the first step was to tune into myself and consider what I was feeling, what sensations I was noticing in what parts of my body (believe me when I say, the body is always the first one to know). After making a note of what I felt, it was easier for me to name the feelings using the wheel. Very soon, I was able to identify what I was feeling by circling all the words on the wheel. Now, if anyone asked me what I was feeling, I could show them the words I had circled on the wheel.

It's important to approach your feelings with kindness and understanding during this part of the activity. Many of us have been influenced by societal and cultural norms that label certain emotions as "bad." For instance, you might have learned that expressing anger or sadness is wrong. However, I want to gently remind you that all feelings are valid and beautiful parts of being human. Imagine viewing anger as a signal that something needs attention, rather than as something to suppress. Every emotion has its own message, and it's essential to listen to what they are trying to convey. Take a look at the feelings wheel; it includes many emotions often perceived as "negative," like sadness, anger, and disgust. The reality is that there are no bad feelings—while they might be uncomfortable or challenging to discuss, they arise for a reason and deserve to be acknowledged. So, as you explore your emotions, try to refrain from labeling them as good or bad. Instead, allow yourself to feel them fully and let them flow naturally. This process can be incredibly healing and enlightening.

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